complaining and caveats

Recently I read this comment about complaining and caveats:

One thing that always surprises me about [posts about struggling] is when people throw in caveats along the lines of, "I know I shouldn't be complaining, since other people have it so much harder." ... I never think those caveats are necessary. I can't remember a time when I had the reaction of thinking that someone has no right to vent about whatever is troubling them.

[it was from here, if you care]

The sentiment sort of resonated with me, and I felt torn between two camps.

Certainly everyone has a right to vent. I'd suggest that venting can even be authentic and helpful sometimes, and maybe even warranted.

And seemingly, it's biblical.

We know that in this world we'll have trouble (John 16:33). That trouble may be trivial, or it may be traumatic, but either way, we should expect it (1 Peter 4:12).

The Psalms are filled with heart-wrenching laments that are vulnerable and raw, and they're beautiful pictures of God's people crying out to the Lord in heartache and despair.

I think that pleases the Lord, because we know that Jesus cares about what we care about. That he wants us to cast all of those burdens on him.

On the other hand, I have wrestled hard with this business of first world problems, and convinced myself that God doesn't care to hear about them, frankly. That those complaints are worthy of a caveat.

The other day in a local retail store I overheard a high schooler complaining that her grandparents were making her leave at 1:00 a.m. for Cabo.

I braced for lightening to strike us in that store at any moment. From the clear blue skies outside.

Several months ago, I heard a woman in my very own church lamenting at how tired she was, after having spent all day shopping for new dining room furniture.

These are true stories, people.

In those moments, I think, No. No! We do NOT have a right to complain about that. I can't bring myself to believe that Jesus is moved with compassion when he hears those thoughts.

Check out Numbers 11:1.

Now when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; for the Lord heard it, and His anger was aroused.

It's pretty clear that he has a short fuse for certain kinds of complaining.

So then, how do I reconcile a God who wants us to pour out our hearts to him, with a God who surely can not be pleased with our exasperation over first world problems?

Listen. Jesus is not intimidated by our complaints, no matter where they land on the scale of ridiculous to legitimate. And he'll know if those laments are coming from a clean heart or not. He just knows, people.

But when I find myself in whine-mode next time, I might ask myself these questions, just to keep myself in check:

do my complaints also grieve the Holy Spirit? //  Because I kind of think the answer will very often be a resounding No.

am I trusting the Lord in my complaints, that he is good and holy, and wants the best for me? //  Because if I really believe that, I will feel hopeful toward that end.

am I remembering that Jesus relates to how I feel? //  Because I think that helps, to know that he's been there, done that.

is the Lord rebuking me in this complaint? //  Because on those days when my heart isn't so clean, I bet he will have a word of correction for me.

is my complaint one of despair and heartbreak, or is it just me being spoiled? //  Because I know God cares about my heartache, but not so much about my comfort.

And as for the girl who has to leave at 1:00 a.m. for Cabo, or the lady who was tired from furniture shopping, they should probably try digging deep and finding some gratitude. (A Thankful Thursday, perhaps?)

How do you feel about complaining and our caveats?