to carter, on the occasion of your fourth

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle."
-- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Dear Carter Christopher,

Four years old. I might want you stay like this forever.

Your expressions are wicked-funny. You speak with an inflection in your voice that is dreamily pure, every phrase and question dripping with a sweetness that I savor so much in these days.

On our recent beach vacation as a family, you jumped into the pool a bazillion times, each stunt increasingly daring. Even in your building confidence, you'd occasionally ask to jump in holding hands with your mom or dad, or me, or Pat. It was a subtle tension between your dwindling dependence on us, and my hope that you might always be inclusive and inviting toward those around you.

School has continued to be a good and healthy challenge for you, and while reaching new milestones is fun to celebrate, perhaps more rewarding is watching you work hard at the things that don't particularly interest you. One day this work ethic will be one of your best qualities, because responsible adults have to do things all the time that they don't like. You'll be better for having learned that discipline now.

I didn't think you could get any cuter, but then this summer you got glasses.

It turns out that idiosyncratic winking of yours wasn't a quirk, but an endearing symptom of struggling eyesight. My goodness, you are darling.

Of course the big event of the year was that your family welcomed a new addition, and glory to God, you have embraced the Littlest like a natural. Your teachers say that his arrival was a catalyst for some of your most dynamic growth, which is true, but I would qualify that progress as important heart growth that should not be overlooked. You love to make him giggle, you are careful to check on him regularly, and you are wildly adoring of him.

I'm so encouraged and expectant of the big brother you will be to him, as you learn to love and protect another.

Here's what your mom and dad say about this past year:

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Friendly, curious, strong-willed.
dad: A loving heart that is raging for independence.

Carter is happiest when he ...
mom: Is active! Jumping on trampolines, swimming, wrestling with Dad, kicking the soccer ball, or running on the beach.
dad: Is running, bouncing, jumping, wrestling, or playing with Jack and Mason.

Carter is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Back-talks.
dad: Tells me I need to listen, not to talk back to him, and that he is in charge (all while stomping his foot at me).

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: There were so many. I am proud of how he loves his brother; how he overcame his fear of the swings; how he is working really really hard to write, even though he doesn't like it; how he tries to remember his memory verse from church; how he treats his friends; how much he loves and respects his dad.
dad: First, watching Carter become a big brother. He is so naturally good at caring for Luke and is amazingly patient and loving. And he can make Luke smile and/or laugh on cue. The other is just the astounding explosion of vocabulary and confidence with his social interactions. I am so proud when he engages people, and tells stories, and rattles off words I didn't even know he knew. He has worked so hard over the last year and there is such a noticeable difference.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: When I would get Luke back to sleep in the wee hours of the morning and turn around and Carter was awake and ready to the start the day. OR the time he pooped himself in the airport after being potty trained for 9 months, and had to fly home commando.
dad: Traveling home from Maine. There were two poops and Carter flew home without underwear on. I was disciplined out and was ready to just throw in the towel and leave him in an airport bathroom.

Carter's best qualities are ...
mom: He is a loving, sweet boy that is full of absolute JOY. His excitement for things is just amazing to watch.
dad: His tender heart, inherently tremendous big bro skills, infectious smile/laugh.

I was surprised this past year when Carter ...
mom: Handled being a big brother so well. It was a big change, but he handled it great!
dad: Recited the Pledge of Allegiance out of nowhere. This is up there with one of the proudest moments of the year. My heart was filled!

I laugh out loud when Carter ...
mom: Laughs. He has the best laugh. Even little Luke thinks so, because Carter's laugh always makes Luke laugh.
dad: Overlooks social norms and says hello to un-expecting strangers passing by. The element of surprise is so entertaining. (Lighten up, people!)

After his fourth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching the relationship with his brother grow.
dad: How Carter manages a mobile Luke, encroaching on his personal space.

It really is a miraculous dichotomy to witness, this business of growing up.

When I read these answers from your first birthday until now, they collectively reveal how your world continues to expand (as it should) in the physical realm.  And yet they are spun with these transcendent common threads, the sacred evidence that you are who you've always been, and who you were made to be.

They got me reflecting on identity, and how yours is taking shape over time, and in some instances, in a matter of minutes.

This year has been so transformative, as you are learning to be a friend to others and a big brother to Luke, and simultaneously stepping away from your only-child-and-grandchild persona. And over your lifetime, your worldly identity will continue to evolve, as your family, memories, friends, feelings, and experiences will all accumulate into what we pray mightily is a man who reflects Jesus in how he loves and serves people.

But Little Man, remember this: No matter how the world defines you, no matter the experiences or people that influence you, or the memories and feelings you bear, you will always be who you were made to be by the one true God. We pray for you a spiritual identity that will forever be chosen, beloved, secure and accepted in Christ, who will be faithful to remind you of that for as many times as you have to ask.

We love who you are becoming on this earth, but we look forward to watching you discover the eternal identity that will define you more wonderfully than any other.

Happy Fourth, Little Man. Our lives are richer because of you.