2016

There's been a lot of grumbling of late, that 2016 has wreaked havoc and cruelty like no other year before it.

Celebrity deaths like Chief Justice Scalia, Harper Lee, George Michael, Nancy Reagan, Doris Roberts, Prince, Morley Safer, Muhammed Ali, Arnold Palmer, John Glenn, Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds. Even this abbreviated list seems staggering.

The circus that was the campaign, the debates, the Wikileaks, and the election. Mercy.

Even in my own corner of the universe, dear friends have suffered loss, struggling marriages, hard life transitions, unemployment, depression, financial despair, and a myriad of other symptoms of a very broken world.

This 2016 recap was even daunting. I thought I wouldn't find much evidence of goodness or light.

But it's all the more reason why this annual exercise is so important. It's a reminder to me that amid the heaviness, disappointments, and burdens, there is laughter, rejoicing, and community to be found.

Here are a few things I will cherish from 2016:

book i couldn't put down
Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance

favorite fiction book
The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom

proudest achievement
Running a half marathon in the same amount of time I did seven years ago

the time i burst uncontrollably into tears
Upon learning of the death of a close friend's mom

big kid moment
Meeting a real life LEGO Master Builder and holding this masterpiece

most fearful moment
Attempting to reach Devil's Bridge on a hike in Sedona, Arizona, but mostly landing on our tails instead

  
best view
We didn't make it to Devil's Bridge, but this view was just fine

 

performing arts highs

Chicago with Amy and Rylee in Birmingham

The Sound of Music with Mom at the Fox Theater in Atlanta

favorite concert

Harry Connick, Jr. in Birmingham 

biggest surprise

The presidential election

favorite long weekend getaway

Reuniting with my Turner gal cousins in Nashville

cheapest and most enjoyable meal

Shared small plates at Butcher and Bee in East Nashville

best story from a minor travel mishap

Discovering a dead car battery in downtown Franklin, and bumming a ride off nice strangers to our rental house

spent my birthday

With mom, Kari, and Miss Reeves in the mountains (and Dad made a brief appearance)

favorite smell
Blackberry and Bay perfume by Jo Malone 

best money spent
$85 for TSA Precheck

podcasts that kept me company on my travels
The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
Front Porch with the Fitzes

songs i repeated a million times
"Humble and Kind" by Tyler Ward and Diamond White
"Mercy" by Matt Redman

favorite albums
God's Highway by Sandra McCracken
Behold by Lauren Daigle

marked off the bucket list
Visited the L.L. Bean store and ate fresh, steamed lobster in Maine

bucket list moment that was better than i imagined
Eating lobster in Portland, Maine

not on the bucket list but did it anyway
Pink Jeep Tour in Sedona

    
netflix obsession
The Crown

most challenging bible study
Judges by Jen Wilkin 

And last, but certainly not least,

the too many celebrations from which to pick a favorite
Nikol and Steve's wedding
Rylee's high school graduation
Haleigh's college graduation
Christopher's residency graduation
Meg and Drew's wedding
Pat's 30th birthday

Happy New Year, friends. May you find much goodness and light in 2017. 
 

to carter, on the occasion of your fifth

"The worst prison would be a closed heart."
-- Pope John Paul II

Dear Carter Christopher,

This grin of yours is what we get when we ask you to smile for the camera. It's over-the-top, but it is how I will remember your fifth year: a sweet expression of a very big heart, and the deluge of raging emotions it can't contain.

The joy and the sadness, the fear and the trust, the anger and the anticipation.

You squeal with delight over snapping photos with my (expensive) camera, running wild outside, or getting to spend time with your friends and favorite people. At Halloween this year, when you borrowed this battery-powered toy chain saw to complete your costume, and raised it over your head for effect, I couldn't stop laughing.

You will do well to find untamed joy in little things like this forever.

You are quick to push Lukey out of your room to protect your territory, but when he climbs mischievously onto the coffee table, you call to your mom because you are naturally protective of him.

He makes you crazy a lot, but you're a good big brother. Really.

And for as long as you are, you're allowed to feel both anger and love toward him, but I'm believing love will win in the long run.

In the past two months, you've lived the heartache of good-byes, having left your school, your friends, and your home, and moved to a new city. Your mom and dad prepared you well for a new adventure, but didn't (nor couldn't) shelter you from the sadness. In one moment you'd be excited and expectant; in the next, you'd fight back tears for the people and places you knew you'd miss.

You'll be surprised one day at how easily anticipation and sadness coexist.

At the beach this summer, a wave snatched a shovel from your grip. You were afraid of the ocean the next time, and of its power. You cried at the thought of returning, but your dad assured you over and over that you'd be okay, and gently persuaded you to give it another chance. You did, and I love that you did so because you trusted your dad. It is so gratifying to watch you grow in trust of the people who love you the most.

I hope to God that when you feel fearful, you'll always know who you can trust implicitly for your safety and well-being.

I love watching it all unfold: this awakening in you of unfamiliar feelings, and your trepidation in navigating them.

Your mom and dad see it all too, and they are so proud of how you are growing up:

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Friendly, strong-willed, curious.
dad: Pure, joyful, curious.

Carter is happiest when he ...
mom: Is spending time with his Dad.
dad: Is doing anything outside.

Carter is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Back-talks.
dad: Is asked to allow Luke into his room, or share a toy with Luke. This produces multiple Carter heads that screech at various decibels of sound that both humans and dogs can hear.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: There are too many to pick just one! I was proud when he fearlessly started a new school and made all new friends. I was proud of the way he continued to work hard in speech therapy and OT, even though it was hard for him. I was proud that at the end of the year his teachers and therapists described him as a sweet, kind boy who was a good friend to others. I am proud that despite being very afraid, he is trying to learn how to swim and ride a bike independently.
dad: When Carter asked me how he can talk to God, and explaining to him that he can talk to Him whenever he wants. Then later hearing him pray, "God, it's me, Carter."

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: This summer. Between the move, the extreme heat, and the lack of friends due to the move, it has been VERY hard to keep both boys busy and happy.
dad: Likely multiple times, usually centered around Carter's ever-increasing attitude and back-talking ability, and hits/kicks to Luke's body.

Carter's best qualities are ...
mom: He loves people like his dad does. He still likes to snuggle with his mom. He has an incredible memory that amazes me daily. He finds joy in the small things in life.
dad: His gentle heart, his smile, his laugh, his animation, his care for babies and small children.

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: He repeatedly asked me if we could go back to our old house after we moved.
dad: We had to move Carter away from the only home and friends he's known.

I laugh out loud when Carter ...
mom: Laughs! Some nights when Chris and I put him to bed, we kiss each side of his face repeatedly saying, "That is my Carter ... No, that is my Carter" while he dissolves into giggles while being covered in kisses. It is a laugh of pure joy.
dad: Dances. He has a great stanky leg move.

After his fifth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: When he finally realizes that Luke is a playmate and not an enemy trying to steal all his toys.
dad: Carter making new friends and learning to swim!

There is one more story from this year that's my favorite of them all.

One day on vacation with all of us, you were whiny and dramatic. You sat out of the pool to be disciplined, and to contemplate your behavior. After a few minutes, you called to your dad, contrite and sad, Dad? Can you come here, please?

He went to you in patience, and you barely squeaked out, I'm sorry for being fussy earlier.

Gracious, I'm not sure I'll ever hear a sweeter thing come from the mouth of a 4-year old, because Little Man, you were livin' the Gospel in that moment.

I watched your anger breed disobedience, and trust me, that will happen for as long as you walk this earth. But then your heart softened, your mouth repented, and you received forgiveness.

This heart of yours, wild with joy and sadness and everything in between, is flourishing, and its fruit is kindness, compassion, and conscience. We are ever hopeful that it remains engaged and pure, draws you continually to pray, God, it's me, Carter, and that it is always a place where the Gospel takes root over and over again.

Happy Fifth, Little Man. We love you, your heart, and all of your feels.

to luke, on the occasion of your first

"Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero."
-- Marc Brown, children's author

Dear Luke Taylor,

One year ago, you came in the middle of the night. While much of the world slept soundly, our family was wide-eyed, wired, and mad-texting across state lines from North Carolina to Delaware to Georgia to Alabama.

In hindsight, I wonder if maybe your entrance during the night was a foreshadowing that you'd never sleep well. A propensity for deep sleep (or even a 45-minute nap) is one strand of DNA your parents merely wish you had inherited, but alas, that was not what the Lord ordained.

But the Lord giveth, as he taketh away, and while He denied you the sleep trait, He granted you a nearly continuous smile that (mostly) atones for your mom and dad's sleep deprivation. When you flash that grin, we claim it: It's a good thing you're cute.

That smile, though, Lukey, is much more than a cute get-out-of-jail card. I've always said your brother's eyes were the windows to his soul, but your smile is yours. It is warmth and sweetness, and it makes a bad day bearable. I suspect that one day it will reveal a cheerful spirit, one created to encourage others, and bring light to a very scary world.

You are the messiest eater on the planet. I am not a mom, but mercy, I've not seen anything like it. Mealtime for you is a production in every way, and food finds its way into your hair, and your pants. Your Type A Cubby can only hope you grow up to learn more sophisticated table manners. 

I'm not exaggerating.

You're a snuggler, which your parents treasure while they can, and you are happy in most any environment. Here are a few other thoughts from your mom and dad as they reflect on their Littlest turning one:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Happy, loving, and flirtatious.
dad:  Happy and laid-back.

The cutest thing Luke does that melts my heart every time is ...
mom: Smile, or lower his head onto my shoulder for a snuggle.
dad: Smile.

The un-cutest thing Luke does is ...
mom: Not take a nap when he's tired, and make me carry him around like a koala bear.
dad: Whines and starts throwing his head back into his high chair when he's ready to be done.

Since having Luke, my favorite thing about him being a part of our family is ...
mom: Seeing him and Carter laugh together.
dad: Watching the dynamics between him and Carter and how they are figuring out how to be brothers, as well as the development of his relationship with his grandparents.

One time during the past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: When he wanted to eat all the time. Sleep deprivation makes you crazy!
dad: Staying awake with a fully-alert Luke at 3:45 in the morning.

I laugh every time Luke ...
mom: Tilts his head and grins at me. His laugh is pretty contagious too!
dad: Sits in his high chair with his feet crossed.

After his first birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Seeing him walk and talk.
dad: Seeing him rock Carter's world again when he starts walking.

It is miraculous how the Lord has knit you into our family as if you've always been here. As promised, you have only enhanced our family, not disrupted it.

Your parents' capacity for love and selflessness have supernaturally multiplied, and it is distinct evidence of the Lord's provision and faithfulness to them as they sacrifice every day on their children's behalf.

From my perspective, it's nearly impossible to watch you grow without noting the similarities and differences to your big brother. But lest that be a disappointment to you, Littlest, know this: you have the advantage in the ways of brotherhood. Unlike him, you were born a brother, and you will never know anything different.

We are wild over watching you grow up, and into a man who is a brother to the least of these, as much as he is to his own flesh and blood. We trust the Lord for that.

If there was ever a second-born to bring his family a measure of delight and joy they could not have anticipated, it is you.

Happy First, Littlest. You are better than a superhero, and we love you.