to luke, on the occasion of your fifth

"It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something
that makes a life worth living."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Dear Luke Taylor,

This smirk of yours. Sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's sassy, sometimes it's shy, and sometimes it's just straight swagger. But it's always enthusiastic.

These days, you are not mysterious; we all know where you stand about everything. If your emotions and expressions don't tell us, your mouth does.

You're competitive. While we're playing games, you'll proclaim with confidence, I'm dominating you! or, I'm the Champion of the World!

You like to be in charge. While we played trains in your room one day, you were pretty particular about my role in the game. You sure are bossy, I said. Well you're in my room, you fired back.

You love school. In particular, you enjoy practicing your letters and numbers with meticulous precision. You might be developing a small bent toward perfectionism. If that's the case, we'll be friends forever.

You're determined. When your brother tossed the training wheels on his bike, you did too. You set your mind on things, and then you make them happen.

One day while you both were out riding, your dad was taking video footage, and while he was focused on Carter, you yelled from the background, Dad! Are you proud of me? He twice promised yes, but it wasn't enough.

You wanted to hear him say the words, Yes! I'm proud of you!

He is, over and over again, and yet I love your raw, passionate, unrelenting ask.

Your mom and dad really are proud of you:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Brave, competitive, shy, and sweet.
dad: Me: "Luke, why are you so crazy?" Luke: "That's just what I do."

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is with Carter.
dad: Is with Carter.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Whines when he is bored.
dad: Whines, throws fits. Every time.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: When he learned to ride his bike, and when he figured out how to swim a lap of the pool freestyle and backstroke. I like watching him work to achieve things he really wants to do.
dad: Watching Luke in his Christmas program at school.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: Incessant whining during stay at home time during the Coronavirus. 
dad: Finding Luke naked in the bathroom with poop all over the bathroom.

Luke's best qualities are ...
mom: How much he loves life, his family, and friends. He is also so brave. He is always willing to try new things.
dad: Unbridled emotion. He's all in on how he feels about something. Loyal brother.

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: His teacher sent a note home about a day of bad behavior (highly unusual for him), and he sobbed. He was so upset.
dad: Luke was acting out at home and we found out he was having a hard time dealing with another boy at school that was hitting him. It also breaks my heart every time Carter scolds him for something. It's like your idol crushing your soul.

I laugh out loud when Luke ...
mom: Talks a mile a minute while gesturing with his hand the whole time to make sure you really know what he is talking about.
dad: Has a great story and says things like, "This will burst your head," or "Your head will burst-ed," or "This will explode your brain when I tell you this." Also he is proud to show off his "happy" muscles and "sad" muscles. It's hilarious.

After his fifth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Seeing him go to Big School with his brother. He will be so excited, and I will be thrilled and simultaneously sad.
dad: Seeing how excited Luke will be to walk to school with Carter as a kindergartner.

We spent Halloween together this past fall, and when I tell you there was a monsoon, I mean it. We splashed through puddles going door-to-door in costumes soaking wet, and I loved every minute of it.

Perhaps no more enthusiasm has come from your lips than when, stomping alongside me under my umbrella, you declared, This is the worst! Day! Ever!

It may be the wettest, but it's not the worst, I said.

So it goes, Littlest. Our plans rarely unfold the way we might've scripted, and it's probably not the worst day ever. We bounce back.

As it turns out, I'm writing this to you in one of the wildest times to be alive. We find ourselves navigating the unknowns of a global pandemic and being stripped of all sense of earthly security.

One day we will tell you about how we were afraid for so many things, and also about how our faith in the One True God was the only hope we had. And God willing, we will tell you that while we were reeling, we battled to live out this faith that has not yet been made sight.

But for now, if you remember any of this, I hope it is only that your fifth birthday party didn't happen as planned.

You'll still be celebrated, but you'll hang close around the house, close to the ones who love you and yes, the ones who are proud of you. Maybe you'll run outside with your brother, or ride bikes with your dad. We'll all FaceTime you, and maybe you'll give us more than two minutes of your attention. (It's hard, I know.)

It's a joy to celebrate you and your enthusiasm, and to do our best to model faith for you.

We love you, Littlest. Happy fifth.

to carter, on the occasion of your eighth

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
-- Mark Twain

Dear Carter Christopher,

When I see pictures of you these days, I have to catch my breath at how grown-up you appear. You're seemingly a foot taller than anyone else in your class, and those glasses. They still get me every time.

You are losing teeth all the time, and it was one of the Lord's great mercies that none fell out when I was on babysitting duty earlier this summer. I might've quit.

This year's obsession was sports teams of all kinds. Who knows how many notepads you went through, filling pages and pages with team logos, ranking charts, statistics and records.

Speaking of sports, you had a couple of big firsts this year. You attended your first Georgia football game in full gear.

And then you completed your very first March Madness bracket and got to see some live action. Never mind your ludicrous picks, because this is a matter of family legacy and you have to start somewhere.

When your mom and dad think back on this year, here are some things they'll want to remember:

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Friendly, bright, inquisitive.
dad: Brave, aims to please, curious.

Carter is happiest when he is ...
mom: Outside playing with his dad.
dad: Outside.

Carter is most grown-up when he ...
mom: Talks. There are things that come out of his mouth that make him sound so much older than he is. He asks good questions, always reminding us that his mind is hardly ever idle.
dad: Reads to himself in his bed first thing in the mornings.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: Sending him to school knowing he loved it. He would wake up excited and say, "I wonder what we're going to learn today!" I hope that excitement to learn never leaves him.
dad: Watching how excited and motivated he was to learn during first grade. He showed so much confidence and pride in what he had done.

Carter's best qualities are ...
mom: He is our gentle giant. He is so sweet to babies and younger children. They seem as drawn to him as he is to them. He loves his family well and shows affection readily. He loves to be snuggled and still holds my hand when we walk to school. He loves to laugh! He also has an affinity for awful knock-knock jokes in the hopes of making others laugh too! He is bright! We realized this summer he knew nearly all the state capitals. No one taught him. He just had a map in his room and must have taught himself. And he never forgets anything. Both elementary school teachers have commented on this.
dad: His creativity, his gentleness, his laugh, his honesty. 

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: His closest friend moved to Germany. Our families are very close, and it has been a tough adjustment. This week he asked his dad to drive by her old house because he missed her.
dad: We realized how much of his hair he was losing. And when he had to say goodbye to his friend, Bella.

The hardest question Carter asked me/us this year was ...
mom: "Why do I have such a hard time falling/staying asleep?" Part of having a mind that is rarely idle seems to be sleep issues. Things that worry him or make him scared seem to take up a lot of brain space at night. It frustrates him a lot, and he is never satisfied with the answers we give as to why it might be happening.
dad: "Is Satan still alive? Can he hurt me?"

After his eighth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching him grow into who he is meant to be. Seeing what piques his interest next. Watching him handle challenges.
dad: Carter developing new friendships.

Two years ago, I wrote you on the eve of your first day of kindergarten. Gosh, I was afraid for you. Afraid that you wouldn't make friends. Afraid that you'd hate your teacher, or worse, hate learning. Afraid for the unkindness you might experience.

Of course it was all fine in the end.

But today was your first day of second grade, and I get to tell you a very different story about what I wasn't afraid of.

I wasn't afraid that you wouldn't make friends. Even though your closest buddy moved to another country, what we know now that we didn't know then is that you can make good friends.

No one feared that you wouldn't enjoy learning, because mercy, you never stop. You've proven to be a spelling wizard, you look forward to school, and you're forever seeking answers to all sorts of questions.

If I'm being honest, I'm still afraid of the unkindness you'll experience one day.

But I'm not afraid that you don't know what kindness is, because it's coming to bear in you.

When Lukey was getting tubes in his ears, you wanted to hold his hand. You asked to buy him a gift with your birthday money. And when you were meeting your friend Ruby for the Georgia game, you wanted to "do something nice for her," so you drew her a picture.
 
When you were a baby, I asked your mom one day what she most wanted for her kids.

To be kind, she said. More than happiness, or brains, or skills, or talents, or friends, she hopes for kindness.

I think she's seeing some promise.

Kindness looks good on you, Little Man. Happy Eighth.

to luke, on the occasion of your fourth

"From caring comes courage."
-- Lao Tzu

Dear Luke Taylor,

I am on record as favoring ages two to five, so these days, you're in my sweet spot.

I'm enamored watching you learn language and expression. I'm on fire, you told me, when you were "winning" a "game" of Go Fish with your brother. I have not stopped laughing.

It's possible you're developing a little swagger.

You're for sure a walking verbal processor. At any given time, you offer a running commentary of everything you see, everything you think, and everything that is happening in your midst.

Let it be known that you will not be one to leave anything unsaid.

You're particular about lots of topics, your clothes being at the top of the list. No collared shirts, no button-ups, and if the shirt you do wear has the slightest hole, off it comes. (This is true for pants, too, but we're maintaining dignity here.)



Your sleeping positions suggest that having such strong opinions takes a toll.

You're a challenger, to be sure. Specifically, you push your big brother's buttons like no one else. Car trips with the two of you within arm's length of one another are, frankly, brutal.

But you comfort him like no one else, too. It's okay, Little Buddy, you tell him, when he feels afraid, anxious, or when he's hurt.

Here's what your mom and dad have to say about this past year:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Loving, stubborn, joyful, particular, shy.
dad: He likes to dress up as a construction worker with a cape and a pirate hat on ... and thinks it's cool.

 

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is exploring/playing with his brother, or when you tell him Dad is home from work!
dad: Is with his brother.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Doesn't get his way. There is a lot of whining and stomping of feet.
dad: Throws around a bunch of attitude about what he will and will not wear in the morning. It's not pretty.

My proudest moment as Luke's parent this past year was ...
mom: When Carter got hurt and was in a ton of pain, Luke stayed by his side rubbing his head. He has a caring heart.
dad: When Carter hit his mouth on the chest upstairs and was crying and bleeding. He was laying against me while I was stopping the bleeding and checking to see how bad his mouth was. Luke came right over and sat next to Carter and rubbed his head and his chest until he calmed down. I should also add how proud I was for how he handled getting tubes in his ears. He took on everything with such courage.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: When we discovered Luke emptying paint onto our neighbors' wall-to-wall carpet. They miraculously still talk to us. I don't know why.
dad: When I came back into the bathroom with Luke's towel to get him out of the shower and he was holding "what just came out of my bottom" and rinsing it off in the water. Let that marinate.

Luke's best qualities are ...
mom: He loves people well with his actions and words. He often tells us he loves us, unprompted. We could be driving down the road and out of nowhere, "Hey Mom ... I love you!"

 

He can also show a grateful heart, which is pretty rare for someone so young. He will thank us for things (new shoes, new toy, new experience) that he is really excited about. His excitement for life is pretty fun to watch too! He loves to laugh and run and play!
dad: His "wide openness;" his desire to be loved; his playfulness; and his smile.

I was surprised this past year when Luke ...
mom: Became really invested in learning his letters and their sounds. Also when he writes his name by himself.
dad: Started singing and dancing to songs in the car and at home.

I laugh out loud when Luke ...
mom: Calls Carter his Little Buddy!
dad: Yells "Leeeeeeeet's Blaze!" when he wants to start running faster.

After his fourth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching his unique personality develop further.
dad: Seeing him learn to ride a bike.

So it is: You're proving to be one who doesn't hold back. When you run, it's full speed; when you make a decision, it's unyielding; when you speak, it's urgent; when you misbehave, it's mischievous; and when you play, you're in it to win it.

Early indicators suggest you might grow up to be bold and edgy and stubborn, and people say those are the courageous ones, the ones who change the world.

But I see your growing tenderness and kindness and gratitude and compassion, and I think those are are the real seeds of courage.

It's funny, when your brother was this same age, he had a quirky wink that was actually symptomatic of struggling eyesight. In your case this year, you were asking for speaker volumes to be set at levels so loud it drove us all batty. It turns out, you had so much fluid on your ears, hearing was hard.

You showed me your "bad ear" and said you were going to get it fixed, and indeed, you were brave heading to the doctor's office, and I suspect you'll be brave a million more times in this life.

But being brave won't always mean doing something you dread, or instant gratification, or healing, or accolades, and it'll never mean the absence of fear.

Sometimes it'll mean doing the unpopular thing, or being kind to an outcast, or comforting someone who's hurting.

And early indicators also suggest you might just have the kind of courage that grows from those seeds of caring.

I hope you never stop caring, Littlest.

 

Happy fourth, Lukey. You are a gift to us.