to carter, on the occasion of your eleventh

"Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

-- Dr. Seuss

Dear Carter Christopher,

There are three memories from the past year that will mark for me the year that I said to myself, My goodness, he is coming into his own.

1 On our beach vacation this summer, you told an original joke (or so you claimed). Typing it here would fall flat, because it could never match your delivery that had me in tears. You held the room without trying and released the punchline with perfect timing. You wanted to be funny, and you were. It was legitimate humor that made me so proud, because one day you'll understand that good humor can carry you through a heap of hard times.

2 You and Lukey helped to purchase your own Gizmo watches, which means you now have a phone number entered into my phone. Your profile was listed as "Little Man," and when you saw this, you said, Ughhh. I don't like that. And so, you're now just Carter in my phone. It was a little sad for me - I've called you LM since you were in utero - but you're growing up, and you get to decide what nicknames you like or don't like. I'm glad you told me.

3 You played on a flag football team that was reminiscent of the Bad News Bears. You won exactly one game, and I think it was the very last one. Mid-season, you told me how terrible the team was, and I appreciate that you owned it, with no sugar-coating, and persevered anyway. You'll have to do that many times over this side of heaven, so it's good that you're learning that now.

Your mom and dad have some memories from this year, too, and it's important that we document them, because sometimes it's hard to stop and remember moments that matter.

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Curious and kind.
dad: A walking encyclopedia who thinks he's funny.

Carter is most grown-up when he ...
mom: Talks to anyone about sports. He has an encyclopedic knowledge.
dad: Takes the time to speak to and give attention to the 3-year-old neighbor kids.

Carter was proudest this year when he ...
mom: Completed his first ever 5k.
dad: Caught a pass for a 2-point conversation to help his flag football team win a game.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...

mom: When a parent told me how well-mannered and courteous Carter was when he was visiting their home, and how they enjoyed having him over.

dad: Carter apologizing to a friend for things he was sorry for.

Carter's best qualities are:
mom: His excitement for life, his gentle nature around small children, his love for animals, his ability to ask why, his desire to learn.
dad: His gentleness and kindness, his imagination, his perseverance.

The hardest question Carter asked me/us this year was ...
mom: Can I stop [alopecia] treatment? It was painful to him. We realized he was old enough to have a say in his medical care.
dad: Regarding his value when he was feeling worthless.

After his eleventh birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: More big kid experiences with him.
dad: Our first camping experience.

This is a part of growing up: to be who you are and to say what you feel, and it's such fun to watch you do that. You are thoughtful in how you think, articulate in how you express yourself, curious in how you approach the world, honest in how you process it, and gentle in how you interact with others.

Next year, you'll likely have surpassed my height, but I suspect your heart will have grown, too, and we love watching it all.

Cheers to eleven. We love you.

to luke, on the occasion of your seventh

 "The world belongs to the energetic."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dear Luke Taylor, 

This was the year you lost teeth, chopped your bangs, played tee-ball, competed on a swim team, joined a flag football league, constructed thousands of LEGOs, went to first grade, (unknowingly) charmed lots of little girls, and remained in what seemed to be a constant state of motion. 

During a flag football game water break, you said to your dad, breathless, Wonder what activity is next? He noted that you sounded out of breath, to which you responded, But not out of energy.

If there was ever a summary of how you experience the world, it is that.

Maybe my favorite thing about you these days is your imagination. You have a knack for creating basketball or football games in your mind while you play them out as a one-man act. You're the coach, the referee, the play-by-play announcer, and multiple players, all at once. It's something to behold.

When you tell us about these contests, you talk about how they happen "in your world," and "not in the real world." Goodness gracious, I laugh at how you dream. What a gift.

If your mind is active, your mouth is hyperactive. Your words come freely and without filter, and if you weren't so dang funny, you'd drive us all bananas.

You still love your brother to pieces, and he loves you, and that means you fight some, too. But mostly, I think you two are as thick as thieves when it counts.

For better or worse, Lukey, you are the baby of the family, and your mom and dad are both eager and sad to see you grow up so big.

Here are a few things they'll remember from this year.

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Strong-willed, competitive, loving, brave, joyful, energetic.
dad: Toothless chatterbox in perpetual motion.

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is outside.
dad: Is outside playing.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Does not get his way or pushes Carter's buttons on purpose.
dad: Slams doors in anger.

My proudest moment parenting Luke this past year was ...
mom: Watching his push for independence. He has been ready to do many things solo, long before my mom heart was ready for it.
dad: When he decided to make a sign on his own to cheer on Carter and me for our 5k. 

Luke's best qualities are:
mom: He is helpful, snuggly, thoughtful, and loving.
dad: His energy and his helpfulness.

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: Kids were picking on him at the beginning of the school year.
dad: He started being left out of playing with Carter and his friends.

The hardest question Luke asked me/us this year was ...
mom: What do they do with zoo animals when they die?
dad: Why someone wouldn't play with him.

After his seventh birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching his personality, friendships, and interests evolve.
dad: His smile with all of his new teeth.

Just yesterday, you had a birthday celebration in the green space near your house that included an oversized bouncy house, twenty-something children from your class and neighborhood, and a few fans of yours who share your last name. 

Every time a new guest arrived, you ran full speed to them, greeted them with excitement, and thanked them for coming to your party.

I could have cried every time you did, because you are joyful and enthusiastic and captivated by the world and its experiences in a way that is pure and true.

And this is how life is with you. Everything to you is wonderful. We're just glad to be in your wonderful world.

Happy seventh, Lukey. We love you and every ounce of your energy.

to carter, on the occasion of your tenth

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."
-- Lao Tzu 

Dear Carter Christopher,

So much changes in one year, and so much stays the same. Your latest growth spurt has put you at 100 lbs on the scale, and at nearly my eye level, and I'm altogether alarmed by this reality.

On the other hand, your eyes still bear your soul, ask your questions, and reveal your feels, as they always have.

You started fourth grade this very week, and gratefully, you still love school and learning. You've got a favorite buddy in your class, and it has been tender to watch the seeds of that friendship start to grow. I know we're totally depraved people, but I see in you the capacity to be a kind and trustworthy friend, and we hope for rich and fruitful friendships in your life.

Speaking of school, when Lukey started kindergarten last year, you gave him sage advice that only a big brother could give: Just follow directions, do your work, and have fun playing on the playgrounds. He's lucky to have you looking out for him.

You two welcomed a puppy to the fold at Christmas. You've always been a natural with the neighborhood pups, and it's fun to watch you with your own.

When I came to visit you this spring, you asked me if I'd like to "check out your athletic skills." That was an easy yes, and we played basketball at "the hoop" in your neighborhood. You also took a leap and played on a flag football team this summer, never taking the field without your official Georgia Bulldog receiver gloves.

I'm proud of you for trying new things, especially when you're nervous at first.

And my goodness, the sports. You memorize the ESPN news ticker without effort, and you pore over baseball card collections from two generations before you. You don't miss an opportunity to comment on playoffs or championships or tournament brackets in any discipline.

This isn't new, but it's worth noting: Your mom and dad continue to be so faithful in persevering as your parents. They advocate for you and encourage you and engage with you about all sorts of things going on in your heart and mind. They're still wild for you.

They'll look back on this year and want to remember these things.

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Gentle, kind, inquisitive, loving.
dad: 99% boy, 1% his mom's snuggle buddy.

Carter is most grown-up when he ...
mom: Curls himself up and gets lost in a book.
dad: Is putting on deodorant. 😭

Carter was proudest this year when he ...
mom: Completed his swimming program that he has worked on for 2.5 years.
dad: Finally graduated to Elite Fish status and got his trophy for finishing swim lessons. 

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: When Carter learned a new boy was starting school with him. He was so excited to meet him. We reminded him about what it was like to be new and to be extra-kind and inclusive. Turns out Carter and the new boy got along great and quickly became friends. Two weeks later, I met the boy's father who made a point to tell me that his son talked about how kind Carter was to him on the first day and days that followed. This boy, whose name is Ethan, is now one of Carter's closest friends. Every day the last thing I tell my kids is, "be kind." I'm glad to know they are listening.
dad: When Carter welcomed a new kid to his class in the middle of the school year. His teacher gave him responsibility to help this classmate get adjusted. He took initiative to develop a friendship with him. They are best friends now.

Carter's best qualities are:
mom: His kind heart and his desire to learn.
dad: His curiosity, his kindness, his innocence, his persistence.

The hardest question Carter asked me/us this year was ...
mom: When will Covid be gone? When can things go back to normal?
dad: Why isn't anyone passing me the ball? That was after 3 flag football games and no balls thrown his direction.

After his tenth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching him gain more confidence in who he is and who he can become.
dad: Watching how his desire for sports participation evolves.

When I consider your single decade in this world, it is somehow both short and long. Time has flown, but there is deep satisfaction and reward in watching you grow.

It seems like only a few miles, and yet a lot of little steps.

We're so proud of the things you've tried, the steps you've taken. New books, unfamiliar sports, cooking camp, caring for a puppy, and even initiating friendship.

These are all steps in a journey of a thousand miles, and it's a joy to be on the journey with you, Little Man.

Happy tenth. We adore you, still.

to luke, on the occasion of your sixth

 "Remember to smile."
-- Nelson Mandela

Dear Luke Taylor,

While I was in your town this past week for work, I got to swing by your house for a quick (outdoor) visit. I climbed out of the car, asked you what was new, and you said, Well. Only four more days until my birthday.

And indeed, here we are. You are six!

A year ago, your birthday party was cancelled because of the pandemic (I won't address this again, because it is old news and tiring), and this year may also be understated. But you did have a guess for me about what might play out: Probably all my presents will be LEGOs.

This year you have developed quite a knack for building and creating those kits, and it's fulfilling to see you accomplish projects like these.

You and your brother were surprised this past Christmas with your new pup, Teddy. You enjoy him so, and I think he likes you too.

For all his cute, Teddy will never compete with your big brother. He's still your favorite. This is a broken record, but there are worse broken records to endure.

You started kindergarten this year, and although there are many things about it that you are smitten with, you have thoroughly enjoyed learning to read. The wonder of language is never lost on me, and it's a delight to see your eyes light up when you sound out a new word or finish a book. Books and stories and characters will expand your world for a lifetime, and I hope you never stop imagining what's behind the words on those pages.

You also are venturing into t-ball, which is a thrill. Your team is the Trash Pandas, and you are very pleased with your uniform. You are fast, so base-running might be your forte. We'll see. What I do know is that our family has single-handedly contributed to an uptick in merchandise sales of the (actual) Trash Pandas minor league team. We are all in.

Here are a few things your mom and dad will want to remember about your sixth year:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Competitive, brave, determined, loving, stubborn.
dad: Trash Panda.

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is with Carter.
dad: Is running around outside or playing Legos with Carter.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Whines and complains in an attempt to get his way or when he is bored.
dad: Is asked to eat a vegetable.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: Watching him learn to read and really enjoy it.
dad: When Luke told me we should give food and drink to someone on the side of the road who was asking for it. So we did.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: Both times we were quarantined for Covid. Luke is a social kid. Isolation is not great for him.
dad: Either when he pooped on the bathroom floor, or when he pushed a bowl of corn onto the floor breaking the bowl (see above comment about vegetables).

Luke's best qualities are ...
mom: He is very loving and affectionate. He's a great helper.
dad: His willingness to try new things; speaking his mind; his desire to finish; his excitement for just about everything.

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: He had trouble with a friend at school. He just couldn't understand why the relationship changed and why someone was being unkind to him.
dad: He came home and told us that one his buddies at school told him he didn't want to be friends anymore. First dose of rejection.

I laugh out loud when Luke ...
mom: Gets talking about what's on his mind and just doesn't stop. We went on a walk once, and he barely let me say one word. He also does an epic eye roll for someone so young.
dad: Dances. And when he told me we should get Mom a dress from Lowe's for her birthday.

After his sixth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching him continue to be his own person. He spends a lot of time doing what Carter wants to do because Carter is his favorite person, but I've seen him slowly developing his own thoughts and opinions, and I'm eager to hear them and where that might lead him.
dad: Trying new sports, and continuing to find his own voice in our family.

One of the high low-lights of the past year was a dental emergency where your teeth were literally knocked out of your mouth.

Look, it wasn't fun in the moment, but you handled it like a champ. You told me earlier this week that your family's goal for this year was "to keep all your teeth in your mouth."

Here's hoping, Lukey, because your smile is killer. You are exuberant and cheerful and jovial, and I can't imagine the world without your signature grin.

Happy Sixth, Littlest. We sure do love you and your smile.

to carter, on the occasion of your ninth

"The world belongs to the people who are curious."
-- Albert Einstein

 

Dear Carter Christopher,

These days, your legs are so long and your questions are so profound that I forget you're only nine. And yet here we are, also wondering how you've grown up so. It's a strange tension.

You are reading like crazy, and your curiosity about animals, science, and space seems to multiply with every book. You read sometimes to Luke, and it's sweet to watch you share those interests with him. He wants to be like you in nearly every way, and your love of books wouldn't be the worst thing to inspire.

The outdoors is still your happy place, especially the pool. You could splash around and dive for toys and wrestle your dad and brother for hours.

You shed those training wheels this year, so bike-riding is a new outdoor favorite. (Of course, Lukey shed his soon after too, because he will not be left behind.)

They say imitation is the best form of flattery, and you do enjoy a bow tie like your dad. The bow tie is cute, but watching you adore your dad is magic.

Speaking of imitation, the Littlest is still enamored with you, and although you have it out with him some days, you humor him mostly. You're learning how to do brotherly love that lasts. I love watching that.

Your mom and dad are so intentional about nurturing your interests, introducing you to new experiences, and helping you learn all that your curious heart desires. Here's how they'll remember this past year:

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Curious, friendly, kind, sensitive.
dad: Gentle giant, literal Larry.

Carter is most grown-up when he ...
mom: Is deep into a book. He really enjoys reading nonfiction and learning and asking questions.
dad: Is sitting reading a book to Luke.

Carter was proudest this year when he ...
mom: Read a story he wrote in front of a group of parents and classmates. He is very fearful of performing but he did it, and it was wonderful.
dad: Started riding his bike without training wheels.

 

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...

mom: When Luke decided he wanted to go off the diving board and needed to swim 25 meters in order to do so. Carter waited for him at the end of the pool, and when Luke completed the lap, Carter ran to him and exclaimed, "Well done!" and pulled him in for a big hug. I want my kids to be cheerleaders for others. This was evidence that he is listening and learning.

dad: Him participating in his fun run at school and reading a book to his class.

 

Carter's best qualities are ...
mom: His desire to learn and then the ability to teach/discuss/question.
dad: His curiosity, his creativity, his loving-kindness.

The hardest question Carter asked me/us this year was ...
mom: After Chris was volunteering at Covid testing centers, he asked if Daddy was going to get sick. His anxious heart was so afraid.
dad: What happens to me if I don't believe in Jesus? Will I go to hell? Or asking about Passover and why God would allow babies to be killed, because he doesn't make mistakes.

After his ninth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching him grow in confidence into who he was meant to be.
dad: Carter discovering more about the gifts God has given him and building confidence to try something new.

I don't know what the history books will say about 2020, but they may well record it as the year the world stopped in many ways. In fact, thanks to COVID-19, your second grade class was abruptly thrust into a virtual experience after spring break, and you missed your teacher and classmates terribly.

 

But, your curiosity about the world, your reading, your seeking, and your questions just never stopped. It's a good reminder to me that even when the world around us doesn't make much sense, and even when we might feel uncertain or anxious, there are parts of us that are meant to remain intact.

You have been made by a good Father, who is the most creative Creator, and he makes no mistakes. He formed you exactly the way he intended, and he desires you to become more like him. It's what we hope for.

And, we hope you never stop being curious about him. He's worth every question.

Happy ninth, Little Man. We're (still) crazy about you.

to luke, on the occasion of your fifth

"It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something
that makes a life worth living."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Dear Luke Taylor,

This smirk of yours. Sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's sassy, sometimes it's shy, and sometimes it's just straight swagger. But it's always enthusiastic.

These days, you are not mysterious; we all know where you stand about everything. If your emotions and expressions don't tell us, your mouth does.

You're competitive. While we're playing games, you'll proclaim with confidence, I'm dominating you! or, I'm the Champion of the World!

You like to be in charge. While we played trains in your room one day, you were pretty particular about my role in the game. You sure are bossy, I said. Well you're in my room, you fired back.

You love school. In particular, you enjoy practicing your letters and numbers with meticulous precision. You might be developing a small bent toward perfectionism. If that's the case, we'll be friends forever.

You're determined. When your brother tossed the training wheels on his bike, you did too. You set your mind on things, and then you make them happen.

One day while you both were out riding, your dad was taking video footage, and while he was focused on Carter, you yelled from the background, Dad! Are you proud of me? He twice promised yes, but it wasn't enough.

You wanted to hear him say the words, Yes! I'm proud of you!

He is, over and over again, and yet I love your raw, passionate, unrelenting ask.

Your mom and dad really are proud of you:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Brave, competitive, shy, and sweet.
dad: Me: "Luke, why are you so crazy?" Luke: "That's just what I do."

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is with Carter.
dad: Is with Carter.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Whines when he is bored.
dad: Whines, throws fits. Every time.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: When he learned to ride his bike, and when he figured out how to swim a lap of the pool freestyle and backstroke. I like watching him work to achieve things he really wants to do.
dad: Watching Luke in his Christmas program at school.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: Incessant whining during stay at home time during the Coronavirus. 
dad: Finding Luke naked in the bathroom with poop all over the bathroom.

Luke's best qualities are ...
mom: How much he loves life, his family, and friends. He is also so brave. He is always willing to try new things.
dad: Unbridled emotion. He's all in on how he feels about something. Loyal brother.

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: His teacher sent a note home about a day of bad behavior (highly unusual for him), and he sobbed. He was so upset.
dad: Luke was acting out at home and we found out he was having a hard time dealing with another boy at school that was hitting him. It also breaks my heart every time Carter scolds him for something. It's like your idol crushing your soul.

I laugh out loud when Luke ...
mom: Talks a mile a minute while gesturing with his hand the whole time to make sure you really know what he is talking about.
dad: Has a great story and says things like, "This will burst your head," or "Your head will burst-ed," or "This will explode your brain when I tell you this." Also he is proud to show off his "happy" muscles and "sad" muscles. It's hilarious.

After his fifth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Seeing him go to Big School with his brother. He will be so excited, and I will be thrilled and simultaneously sad.
dad: Seeing how excited Luke will be to walk to school with Carter as a kindergartner.

We spent Halloween together this past fall, and when I tell you there was a monsoon, I mean it. We splashed through puddles going door-to-door in costumes soaking wet, and I loved every minute of it.

Perhaps no more enthusiasm has come from your lips than when, stomping alongside me under my umbrella, you declared, This is the worst! Day! Ever!

It may be the wettest, but it's not the worst, I said.

So it goes, Littlest. Our plans rarely unfold the way we might've scripted, and it's probably not the worst day ever. We bounce back.

As it turns out, I'm writing this to you in one of the wildest times to be alive. We find ourselves navigating the unknowns of a global pandemic and being stripped of all sense of earthly security.

One day we will tell you about how we were afraid for so many things, and also about how our faith in the One True God was the only hope we had. And God willing, we will tell you that while we were reeling, we battled to live out this faith that has not yet been made sight.

But for now, if you remember any of this, I hope it is only that your fifth birthday party didn't happen as planned.

You'll still be celebrated, but you'll hang close around the house, close to the ones who love you and yes, the ones who are proud of you. Maybe you'll run outside with your brother, or ride bikes with your dad. We'll all FaceTime you, and maybe you'll give us more than two minutes of your attention. (It's hard, I know.)

It's a joy to celebrate you and your enthusiasm, and to do our best to model faith for you.

We love you, Littlest. Happy fifth.

to carter, on the occasion of your eighth

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."
-- Mark Twain

Dear Carter Christopher,

When I see pictures of you these days, I have to catch my breath at how grown-up you appear. You're seemingly a foot taller than anyone else in your class, and those glasses. They still get me every time.

You are losing teeth all the time, and it was one of the Lord's great mercies that none fell out when I was on babysitting duty earlier this summer. I might've quit.

This year's obsession was sports teams of all kinds. Who knows how many notepads you went through, filling pages and pages with team logos, ranking charts, statistics and records.

Speaking of sports, you had a couple of big firsts this year. You attended your first Georgia football game in full gear.

And then you completed your very first March Madness bracket and got to see some live action. Never mind your ludicrous picks, because this is a matter of family legacy and you have to start somewhere.

When your mom and dad think back on this year, here are some things they'll want to remember:

I'd describe Carter's personality with these few words:
mom: Friendly, bright, inquisitive.
dad: Brave, aims to please, curious.

Carter is happiest when he is ...
mom: Outside playing with his dad.
dad: Outside.

Carter is most grown-up when he ...
mom: Talks. There are things that come out of his mouth that make him sound so much older than he is. He asks good questions, always reminding us that his mind is hardly ever idle.
dad: Reads to himself in his bed first thing in the mornings.

My proudest moment as a parent this past year was ...
mom: Sending him to school knowing he loved it. He would wake up excited and say, "I wonder what we're going to learn today!" I hope that excitement to learn never leaves him.
dad: Watching how excited and motivated he was to learn during first grade. He showed so much confidence and pride in what he had done.

Carter's best qualities are ...
mom: He is our gentle giant. He is so sweet to babies and younger children. They seem as drawn to him as he is to them. He loves his family well and shows affection readily. He loves to be snuggled and still holds my hand when we walk to school. He loves to laugh! He also has an affinity for awful knock-knock jokes in the hopes of making others laugh too! He is bright! We realized this summer he knew nearly all the state capitals. No one taught him. He just had a map in his room and must have taught himself. And he never forgets anything. Both elementary school teachers have commented on this.
dad: His creativity, his gentleness, his laugh, his honesty. 

My heart broke a little bit this past year when ...
mom: His closest friend moved to Germany. Our families are very close, and it has been a tough adjustment. This week he asked his dad to drive by her old house because he missed her.
dad: We realized how much of his hair he was losing. And when he had to say goodbye to his friend, Bella.

The hardest question Carter asked me/us this year was ...
mom: "Why do I have such a hard time falling/staying asleep?" Part of having a mind that is rarely idle seems to be sleep issues. Things that worry him or make him scared seem to take up a lot of brain space at night. It frustrates him a lot, and he is never satisfied with the answers we give as to why it might be happening.
dad: "Is Satan still alive? Can he hurt me?"

After his eighth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching him grow into who he is meant to be. Seeing what piques his interest next. Watching him handle challenges.
dad: Carter developing new friendships.

Two years ago, I wrote you on the eve of your first day of kindergarten. Gosh, I was afraid for you. Afraid that you wouldn't make friends. Afraid that you'd hate your teacher, or worse, hate learning. Afraid for the unkindness you might experience.

Of course it was all fine in the end.

But today was your first day of second grade, and I get to tell you a very different story about what I wasn't afraid of.

I wasn't afraid that you wouldn't make friends. Even though your closest buddy moved to another country, what we know now that we didn't know then is that you can make good friends.

No one feared that you wouldn't enjoy learning, because mercy, you never stop. You've proven to be a spelling wizard, you look forward to school, and you're forever seeking answers to all sorts of questions.

If I'm being honest, I'm still afraid of the unkindness you'll experience one day.

But I'm not afraid that you don't know what kindness is, because it's coming to bear in you.

When Lukey was getting tubes in his ears, you wanted to hold his hand. You asked to buy him a gift with your birthday money. And when you were meeting your friend Ruby for the Georgia game, you wanted to "do something nice for her," so you drew her a picture.
 
When you were a baby, I asked your mom one day what she most wanted for her kids.

To be kind, she said. More than happiness, or brains, or skills, or talents, or friends, she hopes for kindness.

I think she's seeing some promise.

Kindness looks good on you, Little Man. Happy Eighth.

to luke, on the occasion of your fourth

"From caring comes courage."
-- Lao Tzu

Dear Luke Taylor,

I am on record as favoring ages two to five, so these days, you're in my sweet spot.

I'm enamored watching you learn language and expression. I'm on fire, you told me, when you were "winning" a "game" of Go Fish with your brother. I have not stopped laughing.

It's possible you're developing a little swagger.

You're for sure a walking verbal processor. At any given time, you offer a running commentary of everything you see, everything you think, and everything that is happening in your midst.

Let it be known that you will not be one to leave anything unsaid.

You're particular about lots of topics, your clothes being at the top of the list. No collared shirts, no button-ups, and if the shirt you do wear has the slightest hole, off it comes. (This is true for pants, too, but we're maintaining dignity here.)



Your sleeping positions suggest that having such strong opinions takes a toll.

You're a challenger, to be sure. Specifically, you push your big brother's buttons like no one else. Car trips with the two of you within arm's length of one another are, frankly, brutal.

But you comfort him like no one else, too. It's okay, Little Buddy, you tell him, when he feels afraid, anxious, or when he's hurt.

Here's what your mom and dad have to say about this past year:

I'd describe Luke's personality with these few words:
mom: Loving, stubborn, joyful, particular, shy.
dad: He likes to dress up as a construction worker with a cape and a pirate hat on ... and thinks it's cool.

 

Luke is happiest when he ...
mom: Is exploring/playing with his brother, or when you tell him Dad is home from work!
dad: Is with his brother.

Luke is not-so-charming when he ...
mom: Doesn't get his way. There is a lot of whining and stomping of feet.
dad: Throws around a bunch of attitude about what he will and will not wear in the morning. It's not pretty.

My proudest moment as Luke's parent this past year was ...
mom: When Carter got hurt and was in a ton of pain, Luke stayed by his side rubbing his head. He has a caring heart.
dad: When Carter hit his mouth on the chest upstairs and was crying and bleeding. He was laying against me while I was stopping the bleeding and checking to see how bad his mouth was. Luke came right over and sat next to Carter and rubbed his head and his chest until he calmed down. I should also add how proud I was for how he handled getting tubes in his ears. He took on everything with such courage.

One time this past year when I thought I was going to lose my mind was ...
mom: When we discovered Luke emptying paint onto our neighbors' wall-to-wall carpet. They miraculously still talk to us. I don't know why.
dad: When I came back into the bathroom with Luke's towel to get him out of the shower and he was holding "what just came out of my bottom" and rinsing it off in the water. Let that marinate.

Luke's best qualities are ...
mom: He loves people well with his actions and words. He often tells us he loves us, unprompted. We could be driving down the road and out of nowhere, "Hey Mom ... I love you!"

 

He can also show a grateful heart, which is pretty rare for someone so young. He will thank us for things (new shoes, new toy, new experience) that he is really excited about. His excitement for life is pretty fun to watch too! He loves to laugh and run and play!
dad: His "wide openness;" his desire to be loved; his playfulness; and his smile.

I was surprised this past year when Luke ...
mom: Became really invested in learning his letters and their sounds. Also when he writes his name by himself.
dad: Started singing and dancing to songs in the car and at home.

I laugh out loud when Luke ...
mom: Calls Carter his Little Buddy!
dad: Yells "Leeeeeeeet's Blaze!" when he wants to start running faster.

After his fourth birthday, I'm most looking forward to ...
mom: Watching his unique personality develop further.
dad: Seeing him learn to ride a bike.

So it is: You're proving to be one who doesn't hold back. When you run, it's full speed; when you make a decision, it's unyielding; when you speak, it's urgent; when you misbehave, it's mischievous; and when you play, you're in it to win it.

Early indicators suggest you might grow up to be bold and edgy and stubborn, and people say those are the courageous ones, the ones who change the world.

But I see your growing tenderness and kindness and gratitude and compassion, and I think those are are the real seeds of courage.

It's funny, when your brother was this same age, he had a quirky wink that was actually symptomatic of struggling eyesight. In your case this year, you were asking for speaker volumes to be set at levels so loud it drove us all batty. It turns out, you had so much fluid on your ears, hearing was hard.

You showed me your "bad ear" and said you were going to get it fixed, and indeed, you were brave heading to the doctor's office, and I suspect you'll be brave a million more times in this life.

But being brave won't always mean doing something you dread, or instant gratification, or healing, or accolades, and it'll never mean the absence of fear.

Sometimes it'll mean doing the unpopular thing, or being kind to an outcast, or comforting someone who's hurting.

And early indicators also suggest you might just have the kind of courage that grows from those seeds of caring.

I hope you never stop caring, Littlest.

 

Happy fourth, Lukey. You are a gift to us.